matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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