You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So apparently I’m into choking now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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