Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
