I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
