remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
