there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
