why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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