He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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