Pants 0. Shit 1.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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