and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
