Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
