i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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