you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
