There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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