if you like me you must not know who I am
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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