After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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