I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
