You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
