the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
