I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
