I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
