well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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