he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
