somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
