420 ftw
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
