I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is the high leading the old right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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