I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
