I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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