They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
