k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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