I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
