My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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