New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
