im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
