This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
