are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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