Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
