I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
