we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
