No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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