Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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