you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
