First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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