You're my little dorito
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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