the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
