mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
