Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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