Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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