She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
