He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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