you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
