I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
