I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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