Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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