she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
