well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
