Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
