nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
