if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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