I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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