I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
