Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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