I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
