Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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