i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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