And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
