i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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