I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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