the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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